Ad breaks are marked in the transcript below. The audio player uses the ad-supported feed.
Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
You hear like a crackling and almost like this sucking noise as it pulls in towards
you from the outside looking in it pulls in towards you until the room is clear and
you are in the middle of this almost military line of this room of complete of undead lax.
My goodness, it's been so long.
What we've brought is death and the end of you is sort of more what we were thinking.
You do have an undead army, but if we can kill you, I suppose that's enough to keep
them immobile.
Thelonious' scream begins to echo out as the shield around him wavers, this fireball
erupting and creating heat throughout the entire space and with an echoing crack.
Thelonious throws his hands together and every single undead creature along the floor
of this cavern begins to move towards you.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, He-Him also with me today is Kyle Clasett.
Oh, hey, what's up, everyone?
I'm Kyle Clasett, He-Him, and I am just dang excited to be here every single time.
You know, it makes my evening, my day, my week.
And Rev DeShane.
Oh, I thought I was going last.
I'm Rev He-Him and I am playing Margaret Broadcloak, She-Her.
We're playing reverse order today.
Amy More is here with us.
I am She-Her and I too am just happy to be here.
I don't know who I'm playing.
I'm getting to that point.
I'm really starting to feel like at home, just not knowing what I'm going to play.
Yeah, just going to lean into it, figure out what happens.
Well, that's what improv is.
Exactly.
And Carla Maxted.
She-Her, I love that like you guys are one of us, like first intros in the list.
I love it.
I love it.
I will be playing Lex, He-Him for sure.
And then let's see what happens.
And Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me, He-Him.
I am playing Perseus tonight and maybe others.
We'll find out.
Stay tuned.
I like the maybe others because last time I had to edit some things out because characters
just didn't show up.
Only because Flanks and Japes were just so entertaining.
Also, you probably kind of left all of that in and people would have been like,
oh yeah, I see why they didn't get to the scene.
There's new stars of the show.
The Flanks and Japes podcast coming at you.
Do you think we might save the day, Kyle?
I don't know.
We'll see what happens.
Whisked out of the action only to come back and save the day in the end.
That's right.
Through a series of tunnels and vents inside of this cave?
Yes.
I know where we are.
Now I had a good segue for a few sentences back, so I'm just going to go to that
one.
And where you're the star of the show is over on Patreon.com slash thumb dragging
cast.
Good rewind, hon.
Yes.
Nice.
Felt good.
Felt good.
If you're a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron,
Riley Bradshaw.
There we go.
Thanks, Riley.
Thanks, Riley.
Thank you so much.
I wonder how many Carrie Bradshaw references you get, Riley.
Because Bradshaw, that's the only other time I've ever heard the Bradshaw name.
Terry Bradshaw?
Terry Bradshaw.
I mean, long time NFL quarterback and pundit, if you will.
Oh, all the sports.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I forgot about the sports.
Thank you, Riley.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash thumb dragging cast.
And now, fuck it, let's play.
We're going to play a little rewind here to catch up to other characters.
Oh, boy.
Why do I feel like I'm already not prepared?
I'm confused.
We see a lavish and luxurious office space that is inside of this caved dwelling.
There are rich tapestries hanging from the walls and many leather-bound books on the
most mahogany-est of bookshelves.
There are decanters all around with different types of liqueurs and liquors.
And seated behind a massive desk with almost candlesticks, but like tiny pedestals, like
skulls and different bones of different creatures is Thelonious Primsbane, who's writing
a ledger book, just kind of neatly humming to himself.
And there's a ring finger that we will add here and a, what do we have here?
We have an orbital socket, not even the whole thing, just neat and clean.
We're going to put that one just in the stores for a little bit later.
And we hear a slow, shambled footstep coming into the room, just a thump-drag, thump-drag.
He looks up and we see a person for all intents and purposes who's undead, who lets
out a low groan as they enter the room.
And Thelonious looks up and says, uh, yes, uh-huh.
We have company.
Oh, I'll let them in.
Undead turns and walks out and in strides a tall dragonborn.
Kyle, would you describe Vorunax at this stage in his career and life?
I feel like Vorunax at this point has achieved the station he's been after and
he's a go-getter.
Now that he's gotten to that certain point in the MLM of Orcus's regime, he's
getting after it and his scales are more vibrant green and his cloaks are way,
way nicer than they have been maybe in the future or our past.
Time is fun, but he definitely carries himself with purpose and not so
much with a vendetta as he has in previous episodes.
Can I can I help you?
Thelonious, I am recently appointed as head undead general for Orcus and seems
like you've been utilizing some of the, well, troops that we could be using.
Oh, well, I mean, yeah, I mean, me and Orcus, we go way back.
He knows he knows the deal we had, one of which I was able to practice my goods
and services and unleash them upon the various realms within the stations across
Toriel, take down and smite those who have wronged me in the past and then
just be left to have my own accord and volition without anybody coming and
collecting any sort of tax purpose.
Oh, no taxes being collected.
No need to worry about that.
Worried about a sheriff situation here.
No, no, no.
Sharing is caring, but sheriffing is, I don't know how to finish that one,
but it doesn't matter.
I'm here because it's, we need you to fulfill a role, distraction, if you
will.
Once I heard of your endeavors and the things that you have gone after, I, I
have to say I have a modicum of respect for your approach, even though it falls
outside of the, of the efforts of Orcus, you're kind of on your own whim,
but Orcus allowing you to do what you do, the time has come that you help us.
Well, it's like a symbiotic relationship where I do what I want and
Orcus does what they want.
I'm afraid you didn't hear me.
Orcus is doing what he wants and I am letting you know he's doing what he
wants and he wants you to run a distraction so that we can further our
endeavors in new places.
We need to draw people away so that we can muster our forces.
Okay.
Can you do that?
Do you even have the ability to do that?
Do you have actually have a good command over your troops that you've
summoned up?
Do I have a good command over my troops that I have summoned up?
I have, I can snap a finger and they do whatever I want.
Good, sir.
Then snap your finger and make them do what Orcus wants.
Any questions?
What does Orcus want?
Run the distraction.
Okay.
I'll run the distraction.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can do a distraction.
Smoke and mirrors.
Uh, you know, I've got a little thing going on here in just a little bit.
Uh, there's some people coming to see me.
It could be, it could be a good distraction.
Could be a little good show you what I can do now.
That's a good point.
Cause if you can't actually fulfill what Orcus wants, then we're
wasting our time here.
I tell you what, I'll watch this, whatever you have coming up, see how
you perform, and if I think it's worth Orcus's time to actually have
you draw attention to yourself as to draw attention away from us, then
we'll move forward with the plan.
If not, Orcus help you.
Cause I certainly won't.
There's a small jingle of like a bell up on a, on a wall tied to a string.
Thelonious has like this shit eating grin on as, as Vorunax is finishing
his, his dialogue and he said, Oh, well, just so matter of fact, it
sounds like they're on their way.
So if you just follow me down this hall over here and he gets up and kind of
skips past Vorunax, if you just follow me, we're just going to, uh, he glances
at some runes on the wall and rubs his hand across them and you hear like
this, like almost like a power going down, just walk this way with me.
Walk, walk this way.
That sounds very good.
Uh, follow me.
Lead the way.
Skips down the hall, Vorunax entail and leads him to this chamber that is
completely black says, just keep your voice down.
I mean, they can't hear you, but it adds to the illusion that they, they
could, and we're being very sneaky, even though magic makes it so that we
don't really need to be sneaky, uh, smoke and mirrors.
Good start.
We cut ahead.
Thelonious is standing in his sphere of protection and he's beckoning to
Vorunax who is standing just off and to the side on, uh, he's on top of
this dais, he's, he's, Vorunax you see him just like ushering you over
big hands, big arms, almost like he's screaming, but you can't hear him
because you know that this spell that he has dampened sound or deadened
sound rather.
Vorunax walks over, you stroll in and it's almost like these panels begin
to like shift and move away as you enter the sphere and he, uh, as they
open, you hear him screaming.
He's like, this isn't going exactly as planned.
And they shut behind you.
It's okay.
It's okay.
We have more planned.
Uh, they are in the middle of all of the undead, so it seems like
this is going to go really well.
Okay.
Let's see if you can turn this out.
This is not boding well for you.
Um, there are certainly plenty of others that we could seek out, but
this could, this could, you turn this around, this could look good for you.
Plenty of others.
What do you mean there's plenty of others?
You, there's, there's no one that's doing what I'm doing.
You see the craftsmanship down there?
Not yet.
Not yet.
That moment he turns around and this is where Lex is running up the dais.
And you see his eyes turned from this milky white to this dark black and
a fireball erupts, blasting you back and into the surrounding undead.
They are beginning to move over top of you.
Margaret, pretty sure we had you placed still on the dais.
Perseus, you are running around Pac-Manning undead, but they are
closing in on you as well.
And Arvid is blasting spells around, trying to keep them off
of you as you're doing this.
Uh, I will fly over to Lex and get back to back with him.
Fly over?
Uh, I have the boots that fly.
Right, you have the boots that fly.
Forget that Margaret's fucking bad ass.
I love this Margaret and Lex like 80s action cop buddy movie poster
that we're going for here.
She's like way too fucking old for this.
Like one day away from retirement sliced alone film.
Don't stop her.
My mom will stop her.
My grandma will stop her.
My mom will shoot.
Yeah, that's good.
You fly over and you land next to Lex.
And then I mean, really we're just going to try and I
shouldn't speak for Margaret.
I'm just going to try and do whatever damage I can since I'm,
we're kind of in the middle of a big circle of undead.
Can I, as a bonus action, cast searing smite?
Sure.
Just so I can do some extra damage.
Want to make some contact with my greatsword.
Yeah, absolutely.
Dope.
So I have three attacks.
I rolled them all at once.
That's a 21, a 22, and a 26.
Roll me some damage.
Great.
36 and then an extra D6 of fire damage.
So that's, oh, you need to do a con save.
Nine.
Then someone's taking one, no, five fire damage.
Okay, cool.
Margaret comes down, lands next to you.
Lex, you spread your greatsword wide and you're hacking heads off all around you.
Popping off like popcorn all around you and falling to the ground.
Bodies are falling limp and immediately in behind them more are crushing forward.
Margaret, I'd love a little help.
Yeah, Margaret will start swinging her Mace of Disruption.
An 18 and a 25.
Yep, both of those are hit.
12 for the first one and 20 for the second.
Greatsword flying and Mace crushing down these bodies around you.
And as you take out eight or nine of them combined, the forces push forward there.
Armin, you got any plans here?
Plans, sir.
Well, you know me, I do enjoy a good plan.
Yeah, I know.
But like, what's the one for right now?
What do we got going on right now, right here?
Well, what I've been doing is protecting you as you nom, nom, chomp, chomp on top of all of these baddies.
Perhaps we see, hmm, well, this is this could be good.
This could be good.
If you can just if you can just clear just a moment, I can summon perhaps some help.
Oh, I very much like the sound of help showing up.
Yeah, let's do it.
Great, great, great, great, great.
And, you know, I don't want to like culturally appropriate here, but, you know, like when in martial arts movies, they fight with, like, fans.
Sure, yeah.
I'm going to do that.
But with this bag, yeah, I will become the bag in the wind from American Beauty.
OK, so like Perseus like flip, skip and jump and smack and like almost a Jackie Chan style endeavor.
Great.
A real crouching tiger vibe going on here.
What's your class again?
I am a halfling warlock.
Cool.
But that ain't going to stop me.
That ain't going to stop you.
I have spells.
I've been using a bag.
Yeah, I do have spells, but like the one spell I want to use, like, just vanishes me away from Arvid.
And I don't think that's very fair.
Good luck protecting me.
Yeah, what's your plan?
Peace.
Yeah, sounds awful.
I'm out.
So I've chosen to go for the bag fighting route instead.
Love it.
With the bag flying, keeping them at bay as Arvid, his eyes roll back into his head
and he's casting runes a la Doctor Strange, that kind of vibe.
A portal opens up off to the side of him and you hear this like hideous screech yell out of it.
As this aberrant spirit presses forth, it's got like these hideously long claws.
It's ghostly yet dripping with something, kind of like this ectoplasm.
It's slimer, obviously, with long claws.
This slimer comes out and like tears its way through this portal and it's going to slash for one.
That's OK.
And then also it has an eye ray.
So blasting out of its big one eye slimer eye, it shoots the same ectoplasmic ray that cuts through two or three of them as it begins carving around.
Does this thing seem to have like, does Arvid have control of this thing?
I know I'm not in here.
I'm just a curious listener at this point.
Does Arvid have control of this thing or is it like letting out a wild animal?
And it's just like, just stay away from it.
That was pretty cool, wasn't it?
I mean, it was it was pretty great.
Cool. Did you see my cool bag dance?
Oh, dude, bags were flying.
It made me bring this aberrant spirit.
I've never, never called one before.
Thought now was a great time.
My patron was like, hey, you should probably do this a little while ago.
And I was like, there's going to be a time and a place for it.
I mean, I always listen to my patron when he's got suggestions, so I hear you on that one.
It's Thelonious' turn and he is like, he's standing up on the dais, just like angry panting and making fists, just like raging within himself, seething as he's looking down at his,
as he would probably put it, his children being slaughtered before him.
He turns and he looks to Varnax.
This is not a true sign of what I can do.
There are what, one, two, four of them?
There's still hundreds, hundreds of them.
No, yeah, you and these four are proving an issue for you.
You'll be but a blip in time with this kind of endeavor.
Thelonious turns and yells out into the cavern and emanating from his mouth are these waves of energy that begin rocking and vibrating the walls.
And you hear cracking starting to happen in the cavern.
Rocks begin to fall down.
Everybody make a dexterity saving throw.
Varnax, you're fine, you're behind.
What about Flanks?
Flanks and Japes are in an adjacent chamber, you're OK.
Yeah, OK.
Is he breaking this whole shit down?
We'll catch up with Flanks and Japes if we feel like their lives are in.
No, we won't, it's OK.
That is a 19.
Was that a 10 for Lex?
17.
Not more of a shambling kind of guy, not really a Dex kind of guy.
Lex, you're struck on your side.
You're not crushed, but you're struck by a large boulder that falls down.
You're going to take 15 bludgeoning.
You could take half that because Margaret takes half.
That's nice of Margaret.
She's so good to have around.
With that scream, though, also, some of the undead are also crushed by the falling boulders, collateral damage.
But they seem to pick up in fervor and they are going to rush all of you.
Everybody make a actually roll some damages or attacks.
One of them still on fire from my from my smite.
So that one can take one damage.
That one drops to the ground.
I turned the tide, you guys.
You did it.
Could have could have had a flaming zombie situation, but it dropped.
It's good against Margaret.
It was a 17 against Lex.
It was a crit fail.
That's the flaming one.
Obviously, it didn't hit Margaret, I assume.
Perseus.
Geez, these zombies are great.
That's going to be a six.
And Arvid is he only has an armor class of 11.
So he's going to get hit.
So nobody takes any damage except for Arvid,
who's going to take a claw attack.
He's going to take eight.
Everybody else make a strength saving throw
as you are crashed into by a wave of these undead.
Seventeen, 17 dirty 20.
Percy is your first to see it.
The cacophony going on.
I don't know if either of you would be able to make it out.
Percy is your first to see it.
But Arvid goes down.
OK, a crushing wave of these undead are now on top of him.
Let me just take a look at my spell list here.
We cut to Varanauts.
It's your turn to take an action if you wish,
or narrate some some looking down upon as you
some desire.
I think at this point and.
Stop me if this if this inner intrudes too much,
I think at this point Varanauts is like now and maybe like,
well, it was a good run, but I'm afraid you're done.
And he's going to attack Thelonious attack Thelonious
back turn Thelonious.
Yeah, I'll pull out the wand of Orcus
and I'll just use power word kill on Thelonious.
OK, remind me what I have to do for power word kill
to not be power word kill.
They just have to be over 100 hit points.
OK, he is over 100 hit points currently.
And I'll do that and be like.
I guess there are more stipulations to Orcus's power than I thought.
Say Lavi, but I'm afraid your demonstration is over.
My demonstration is over and you try and stab me in the back.
You come in here and tell me that I'm under some sort of test
right as I'm trying to get.
He is mad.
That's that's everybody in the run.
Let's jump back to Lex and or Mark.
How far up are they on the dais from us?
So you blasted probably
we'll say like 30 feet from the fireball.
So Lex got blasted.
You flew to.
So it's a 30 feet, another 20 ish feet at a at a at a step up.
So about 50 feet diagonally up into the dais where they are now
in a presumed spell battle.
OK, yeah.
With these things crushing in on us,
I'm going to look up at the up of the dais and then at Lex
and then just fly forward and scoop my arms under hers
and basically just fly her up and.
Good luck and throw her towards her intended target.
OK, I love that.
I love everything about that.
OK, Lex, you are in the air up, flying down towards Thelonious.
Lex is gigantic.
He's like a big Frankenstein.
I love this visual.
Oh, we need some art for this.
Yeah, it's ridiculous that this Betty White has a 18 strength.
It's amazing.
I love it.
Well, I can't do anything, but the thing I can do is try to stab people.
But there are still in like a bubble.
Bubble would have dropped because he's cast a couple of things
that would have would have negated what he had going on there.
Then, yeah, I mean,
I just got to fight with that sword because that's what I got.
Well, that's handy. 23, 27, 14.
And against Thelonious, obviously.
23, 27, yes, 14, no.
Man, these rolls are bad.
22, damn it.
Margaret scoops Lex up and out.
Zombies and undead are like clasping on, swinging their weapons,
because we said they had weapons trying to get at you.
You are lifted and propelled into the air and are thrown down upon Thelonious,
who's turned and facing Vorunax.
You get two hard hits into him, which brings him down to a knee
and he turns and he looks at you and he's like seething in veins
or pulsing from his from his head.
And you feel these tentacles
coming shooting up out of the ground towards you
and wrapping themselves around you and pulling you down.
Make a strength saving throw.
These vines, like they develop these spines or thorns.
You are bound and wrapped by these and feel them pulling and tugging at the flesh
on your arms and legs and wrapping tight around your torso.
You were pulled down to two knees and he stands up before you,
not ready for this yet.
And he cast Dimension Door beneath you
and points his hand to the other side of the room
and throws you 250 feet to the other side of the cavern.
And you emerge from this almost like pulled
with force down through the Dimension Door
out and against the wall.
And you are going to take
22 points of bludgeoning and door piercing.
Is your ring work 200 feet away, Margaret?
It does, as long as the person's still wearing it.
I was just looking to see if it had a range on it.
Perfect.
I think I think about what is happening to Lex right now.
This like huge shambler just got flown by a cute little Betty White
and then thrown across the room through Dimension Door.
This isn't a person used to being like tossed around so much.
So it's pretty jarring.
Margaret, did you you you flew?
Did you want to take an action or anything?
Or was that your action?
Yeah, I mean, I imagine to to pick Lex up, to fly up there
and throw them into the place.
Sounds good. So, yeah, you see
Lex like disappear into this Dimension Door portal
and appear, you hear whatever scream Lex would do like, huh?
And then a like a sickening thud against the back wall
as they crumble and fall to the ground.
Let's go back to Perseus and Arvid.
Arvid has been overrun by undead,
so we don't actually see them currently.
There is still the slimer, the aberrant slimer
blasting and clawing at things around it.
Perseus, what are you out of curiosity?
Russ, when Lex laid into Thelonious there,
did we notice any disruption with the undead horde at all?
No. OK.
Just wondering if they were maybe like keyed to his attention.
Right. Yeah. Sort of thing.
You could make because he's done a couple of things
with them leading up to this point.
If you wanted, you could make an arcana check to see if you
if that's something you want to do, try and figure out
what kind of control he has or if he's or what he's doing.
No, I think I'll pass on that.
I was just curious if it was like an obvious link or not.
How far away from that dais is Perseus?
You were probably another 50 feet back.
So we'll say a hundred.
It's just for easy math.
OK. And do I have eyeballs on Thelonious at all?
Yeah, yeah, you would, because he's raised up.
I would also like to cast Dimension Door.
OK. And I will make my door like 10 feet above him.
And I would like to drop out of the sky on top of him
with the bag open up in front of me as I like dive headlong towards him.
OK. What does it look like as you're casting and as it appears
before you come out with your Pac-Man?
So this this Dimension Door is kind of like a green and red.
Perseus loves Christmas.
So it's kind of a green and red theme he's got going on there.
And yeah, it's it's kind of like, you know, he can see where Thelonious is.
So he just he puts it like just above him.
So much so that like
his attention is throwing Lex elsewhere.
So as long as it's out of sight, like nobody thinks to look up. Right.
So so that's where he will he'll put that Dimension Door.
Cool, cool, cool. That happens.
It's lovely. It's amazing. It's sweet.
I'm going to do something that you're not going to like.
Oh, no. Oh, that's fine.
He's going to cast as as the the door opens above his head.
He looks up and he's oh, please, dear boy.
And he cast Counterspell as you are coming through it,
which in because I want to establish him as a powerful being
is not just going to shut your door, but rather redirect your door.
And it's going to open at the top of the cavern.
Now, do you have to pass some sort of check
to counter my fifth level spell?
Do I do it?
So I need because yours is a fourth level. Yes.
Fifth level. OK.
He's like, I do, but I'd rather not.
The DC equals no equals 10.
Oh, we'd love Amy to write 10 plus the spells level.
So 15 using his.
So that's a 17. OK.
So as your door opens and you begin to come through,
he sees you with the bag there.
Oh, no, no, no.
Redirects it, the door that you left through closes
and it opens above the chamber, 250 feet in the air.
You begin to fall.
How fast do I fall per like turn?
Oh, it's fall speed, fall speed, DND.
I've had to search that one a lot.
I still can't remember.
Xanathar's guide to everything says it's 500 feet per round.
Oh, shit. So you wow.
So you fall.
Gravity is crazy on a round, right?
I thought it would be like running speed doubled.
So per round, so per six seconds,
you so it takes three seconds or half a round.
So you're going to hit the ground before your next turn.
Is there anything you can or want to do?
You don't necessarily die when you go in the bag, I don't think.
If you start your turn in the bag, you die.
There's going to be a lot of angry heads in that bag looking for you.
Yes, they are not thrilled if I if I were to hop in that bag.
No, I don't think there's anything else I can do in my turn.
I don't think I have any like bonus spells or anything. OK.
Great. I mean, hard disagree, but all right.
Arvid has to make a strength saving throw, which he does not make.
He's going to take a metric
buttload of damage as he is being eaten alive.
This is upsetting. Yeah.
Lex's. Well, I thought if I could take him out,
the zombies might just like fall over.
Yeah, that's fair. That's a good option.
You want to give him 50, 50 damage.
Yikes. Oh, boy.
He's bloody.
Things aren't going the way Lex wanted.
Now his boyfriends half dead and his best friends
just fell from the ceiling.
It's very bad.
It's the middle.
Five dollars is the middle over here.
Six dollars is the middle over there.
I tried to do like a town crier thing and then ended up to be an auctioneer.
I was going to say it became an auctioneer.
I really I thought you were doing like Carnival Barker.
Like come in just just two bits.
But then you started yelling higher and higher numbers.
And I was like, are Amy and I supposed to be bidding, bidding for this game?
Yeah. No, it. Yep.
Yeah. Yeah. You're it. Yeah.
I'm here. I'm here for it.
Who was six dollars? I think you.
It was Tom in the back. Tom in the back. Yeah.
Yeah. He just lifted a paddle.
I mean, yeah, I think it might have been.
What I was trying to do was like a town crier thing
because we have a newsletter and it didn't really at all come across.
So this is like, oh, hey, you guys, did you know we have a newsletter?
We do. You see how direct that was?
That was great. So good.
So the newsletter is funny and informative
because it tells you like all the stuff that's coming up
because some things, you know, rotate like producer meetings
aren't every month and stuff.
And it keeps you in the loop because it's her birthday.
Oh, is somebody somebody's special named Amy.
So come play with me and also read your newsletter.
Tons of tons of interesting stuff in there.
You can sign up for that at dumbdragons.com
where you can get a lot of things.
I'm working on redesigning the website.
It's not done yet.
So when you go and you're like, Russ, this is the same website.
Yeah, it is.
But the new one's coming sometime.
TBD. But you can sign up for the newsletter there.
And that's the most important part.
I have also witnessed this new website and it's real, guys.
It exists in a draft form, not yet.
Every once in a while, I accidentally hit publish.
So then if you if you were happening to Google
dumb Dumbgeons and Dragons at a very specific five minute period
before I realized that I hit publish, you might have caught it.
But the SEO wasn't really high, so it probably would have been pretty far down.
So a lot of things had to align in order to see this one live in the wild right now.
But for now, dumbdragons.com, you can sign up for the newsletter.
And that'd be great. Let's get you back to that episode.
OK. Love you. Bye. Bye.
Cool. Lots happened.
We're back to Thelonious and Varnax in like a standoff up on the dais.
Well, if that's not going to work, then we'll do it the old fashioned way.
And I walk up with the wand of Orcus and just two attacks right right into him.
Just clocking him.
OK. That's a twenty three for the first hit.
Yep. Six bludgeoning, seven necrotic damage.
OK. Second attack is, oh, not so good.
Just an eleven.
Eleven does not hit. Yeah.
Hey, guys, just so you know, resistance to bludgeoning does not affect fall.
It was worth checking.
Technically, the ground is bludgeoning you.
Exactly. I'm just telling you what I read.
Technically, you're bludgeoning the ground.
Oh, fair point.
Yeah, there you go.
Why is everybody hitting me?
He snaps his fingers and like there's this fervor
that comes over the the undead horde.
The the ground is still reverberating.
The last boulders have been falling.
Do you like to make a Dex saving throw, Varnax?
Would I like to make a death saving throw?
A Dex. Dex.
I know. I had a death too when I was like, wait, what just happened?
That's very threatening. Jesus.
That'll be a dirty 20. OK.
Beneath you, squirming black tentacles fill a 20 foot square.
He's cast Evard's black tentacles.
They begin reaching up and like clubbing you.
Big mistake. Half damage on not a great roll.
So you're going to take five bludgeoning damage.
You're not restrained, but it is difficult terrain.
OK. He turns as if it worked, as if you are restrained
and says, I'll deal with you later.
And he turns and begins walking back towards
the massacre and chaos that's happening out there.
I will use my reaction to cast hellish rebuke.
All right. Put my finger at the creature
that damaged you is momentarily surrounded by hellish flame.
Make a dexterity save, please.
13. That does not pass, by the way.
And that is 23 fire damage.
Oofa doofa.
He turns and he's very confident walking back and then
everybody else sees him encircled in flames and skin begins to bubble
and he lets out this high pitch shrill call into just into the ether.
It doesn't have the same kind of wave effect that he did previously
as he as he falls to his knees being burned by this hellish rebuke.
Who's down on the floor?
Arvid's down on the floor.
Lex is down on the floor.
Percy is still down on the floor.
Well, technically falling towards.
Oh, right. Your purses, you're falling towards the floor.
Yeah. Yeah.
And Margaret, you're still flying. Yes. Yeah.
OK. So Lex and Arvid, Arvid, Arvid
is going to take 45 damage.
Shit. Oh, no.
And Lex, please make a strength saving throw
as you are rushed at disadvantage because you're prone.
Oh, great.
So that's a 14.
You are overwhelmed by zombies
and you are going to take damage as well.
It's going to be 37 bludgeoning damage.
But like only 18.
Yeah, that wasn't you.
You didn't cut that number in half already, did you?
No, that's the full damage.
So Margaret's going to take 18
and you're going to take. OK.
Margaret, you are up.
How far is Thelonious from the edge of the dais?
He turned, he walked.
He's probably on the like just, you know, just back
no more than five feet from the edge of the staircase.
OK, then I'm going to fly down and
do a shield strike and and try to move him five feet
and tumble him down the stairs.
Cool. Yeah, yeah, sure.
I don't know what this would be.
Is it a strength saving throw?
Maybe it just says that I can attempt to shove someone five feet.
Shield master shove.
If you take the attack action on your turn, you can use a bonus action.
So you would have to attack, but then you could also shove them five feet.
OK. 26 to hit.
Yeah, that definitely hits.
It's an aggressive shove.
Do they happen to be a fiend or undead?
Negative. OK, 10 points of damage.
And then the embarrassment of falling down the stairs
of your own dais that you constructed.
Awesome. It's the pain that hurts the worst.
Yeah, right.
You fly down with your shield and Hercules like crash into this
Thelonious, who's who is like a blaze.
He lets out like a
as he shoved and
falls down to the ground.
Yeah, then whatever movement I have left, I'm just going to start
moving towards Lex. OK.
Does it say what your flying speed is?
Same as my walking speed, so 30 feet.
OK, so you begin moving.
You're not going to you won't be able to make it to either
Perseus or Lex this time. Yeah.
Speaking of Perseus, it's been about three seconds.
Any any anything on that character sheet you found to soften
the blow of a 250 foot fall?
I mean, I don't really think I would have the time to do it.
Right. Like it would be at the end of my.
Falling is when my turn would start.
OK. I mean, unless you disagree with I don't.
I just maybe you had a reaction, maybe you.
I mean, I'll double check.
Hang on. You've got until I can find how much fall damage is.
I think it's a D6 for every 10 feet.
Oh, you forget.
It sure is to a max of 20.
OK, D6, D6.
Oh, no, I'm going to hit enter.
How many feet is he falling?
He's falling 250.
All right. I have one bonus action and it is not helpful.
OK.
Do you want to use it, though, or anything?
He's like, yeah, I play the flute on the way.
It's a little penny whistle going.
OK, just a slide was a real slow slide whistle.
Oh, he just plays himself like.
So mechanically, you're going to take seventy five
falling damage.
OK, you fall and you hit hard onto the stone floor
and you feel arms break, legs break.
You begin to.
You're bleeding from many different places.
That's going to say everywhere. Yeah.
As you, your vision begins to go black
as you see undead close in over top of you.
This is the worst, you guys.
There's three of you with undead on top of you.
You know, it's pretty bad.
I mean, normally, our food would be into it, but not this time.
It's not every undead.
Brings us back to those services.
That's right. The services.
Lex, you are clawing back and trying to get out of the
out of the undead at the back of this chamber
so far away from everybody else.
Make a strength saving throw.
Thirteen.
Margaret, as you're flying towards, you see arms,
the arms of Lex shooting up and out of these,
trying to pull the undead off, but they're just too many
and they're coming too fast.
Margaret, you're moving as quick as you can to get back to Lex.
As you pass over, you see Percy.
Well, I mean, you saw a Perseus fall and hit the ground.
You see them quickly overrun and you see a horde of zombies
at one spot in the center.
And then you look over your shoulder and you see lifting up from the ground
the last bits of flame around Thelonious, who is hovering
up and above and moving back towards the dais
and turning to look at at Varnax, which just
you see this look of disdain and hatred
and just every fiber in this person's body is just vibrating
and coming towards you, Varnax.
And then we hear this crack.
Undead in the center of this cavern are blasted back and away.
And this large blue light emits
and rumbles through this cavern, knocking boulders down.
Margaret, you make it just to Lex and you manage to clear off
as much of the undead. Lex, you're, I mean,
probably take another 50 bludgeoning damage.
Yeah, just another 50. Don't worry about it.
It's a little bit.
You pull them off and you're trying to clear Lex.
You're near towards where
the entrance to this cavern is.
You came in, which feels like so long ago,
but was probably only like a minute and 30 seconds.
And you're making your way, trying to get to a little bit of cover
from some of the boulders that have fallen.
And in the middle of this light
that is just emitted, we see
well, Margaret and Lex.
Lex, your little eyes are glossy and covered over.
But Margaret, you see Thea and what you recognize as Flint,
along with a small red haired pigtailed gnome
who are standing around looking confused and dazed
as they have clearly come from somewhere.
The undead are quickly rushing back to them.
And there's another crack off into the distance.
And a tall goliath falls down from slightly elevated
and crushes down to the ground.
Night Hunter's going to take 26 bludgeoning damage.
Fine.
As Thelonious turns at this, just away from you slightly,
Vorunax and looks and says, what?
What is happening?
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 119,
starring Carla Maxted as Lex, Tom Laird as Perseus,
Amy More as Night Hunter, with Kyle Claset as Vorunax,
Rev DeShane as Margaret, and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Editing, production and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
Christian Brown, Devon Michaels, Craig Zeiss,
Erin Stevens, Darylith, Lulahan, Charlie Warley and L.A.
Branton. To support Dumbgeons and Dragons
and our many other productions and get access to an exclusive podcast
called The Adventures Of, bonus episodes and much more,
please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
Miss The Last Live Show?
Support the shows today, help us reach 100 patrons,
and we'll host another improv live show exclusively for our patrons.
Have a great week. We'll talk again soon.
I want to find out what what he's going to do with his goods and services.
Oh, my God.
The goods, I understood the services.
I don't need to know anymore.
The specific of those can be kept.
My goods and services, like, what are you doing with those undead?
Oh, God.
Carolyn, I make an icon.
I know. And then I had to just like look away, laughing too much.
Is that what's playing during this whole fight?
Because that's kind of disconcerting.
I mean, it's good music for a fight.
I know. It would be pretty fun to do.
To do to do to do to do to do to do since the beginning of this episode.
It's just in there and I like I'm listening.
But that's our other game that that theme comes to play, Amy.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.